Archive for men

have all the good men gone? it’s all in your head

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on 2nd September, 2009 by kal

this is inspired by my FlatMate’s post on the big debate regarding the dearth of good men.

1) i feel most of the gen(t)eralizations made out there don’t apply to me, so i’m not going to offer anything to add to the ‘crucial male perspective’

2) i put it out there : is it possible that there are many men out there who feel that there is a dearth of good women?

actually, it’s not really a matter of numbers, unless one WANTS to generalize, bucketize, compartmentalize, judge, label, etc.

entertaining as it is to read and participate in such debate, i find that it’s not really more than a intellectual/theoretical exercise. in my characteristic style of stretching an argument to absurdity, i would like to examine the notion of a ‘good’ something.

in this context, something is ‘good’, if it meets my expectation(s). (you shall see in a moment why that ‘s’ is in brackets)

so, if my expectation is that a girl will sleep with me, and none of them will, i am suffering from a dearth of good women in my life. (sounds about right…)

similarly, i would say, the condition of there being a dearth of good men can be thought as a mismatch of expectations and availability.

one can (and will) counter this line of thinking with something about reasonable expectations, or being civilized, or evolved, or it taking two to tango, but really, all of those have highly subjective (and constantly changing) meanings, don’t they?

on a separate note: the trouble, i feel, when talking in generalizations is that it’s very easy to slip into mass prescription mode, which makes a person no better than promoters of organized religion (specifically those vegan ones!) — of course, i still think most women should always want to have sex with me.

anyhow. this is something that i can talk about till the cows are blue in the face. in the difference total, my point is that expectations from relationships need to be looked at a lot … differently … than they’re often seen today, especially where one feels that there are systemic lapses and voids. these — do NOT — exist. they cannot exist, otherwise society would probably cease to function. these do not exist, it is only our perceptions of things that make us feel that they do.

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